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Letters to God, Spiritual, Thoughts

Letters to God – Part 29: Failed?

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Forgive me G-d, but I have failed.

There is a sentence that religious teachers say: “G-d does not submit someone to a test that he cannot pass” (forgive my horrible translation, but that is how I remember it). But I have.

Today once again we go and ask for forgiveness. For everything bad we did this year, asking you to put us in the book of health, of life. But I can’t do it.

It all feels like a game to me. A game where we are the pieces and nobody knows the rules. Some say their rules are THE RULES. And others say their rules are THE RULES. But nobody knows. So why should I follow these rules and not these other rules? And why do I follow any rule at all? Yea, I know, because following my own rules is also following a set of rules, that I have created. And who knows if they are good or bad? And what is good or bad?

It’s too confusing. This is probably why most people just follow the rules. It’s just easier, clearer.

Awgh!

It’s hard to be at the same time on the top of the world – great job, beautiful wife, nice house, car, vacations, etc. – and at the bottom of the world – what will happen tomorrow? Will I have to run to the hospital again? Will something get worse? If a q-bit had a soul, this is probably how it feels. But it’s hard to find one to talk to these days.

It’s been such a long time! Three and a half long and difficult years.

Wait, but this also means that the test is not over. And maybe, all of this anger, this rebellion, this hatred, all of this is something that I have to accept. That I can only ask for forgiveness only after I myself have done this. That I accept my thoughts, my pain, my questions. That questioning life is OK.

Interesting…

But coming back to the normal world, tomorrow we still celebrate. So to all of you reading my crazy thoughts, I wish you a very happy and joyful new year, full of health and only good and sweet things.

And may you be able to forgive yourselves for everything you think you have done wrong. I know how hard it can be.

Spiritual

Letters to God – Part 12: Sensing

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Today I started writing about another subject, but at the middle of the letter I saw that you would need more background to understand what I was talking about (well, this is really not true as you should know all, but sometimes even I have problems understanding my thoughts, so I saw it fit to write this letter first).

We are taught at school that there are different states of matter: Solid, Liquid, Gas, etc. And everything is made up of atoms, which in turn are composed by electrons, protons, and neutrons. An atom is composed of a nucleus and a cloud of electrons surrounding it. The interesting thing is that the size of the atom (where the electron cloud ends) is around 10.000 times the size of the nucleus (and even more for light elements like gases). So it you think about it, there is a LOT of empty space out there. Actually, most of what we are is empty space.

So how can we feel stuff? If we are made up of so much empty space, why can’t we see or walk through walls? Why does it hurt when you accidentally slam a hammer against your finger while hammering a nail? Because matter is not what matters (no pun intended). The reason we can’t walk through walls, and that we can touch things, is energy. While there is a lot of space between the electron cloud and the nucleus, this space is like a demilitarized zone that is protected by the forces of the atom. Things simply cannot go inside this space without having to exert immense forces. And this energy also varies between elements and molecules, so we have solids, liquids, gas, etc.

It turns out that everything we sense are the changes in forces and energies around us. Light is energy, sound is energy, and touch is also energy. And having that, why can’t we have “energy” sensors? Let’s take feelings for example. When a person feels sad, they are probably expelling lots of “sad” energies. So if we had “feeling” sensors, we would feel this energy coming to us.

I think we already have these sensors, but most of us are not aware of them.