Tag Archives: routine

Letters to God – Part 16: Routine

source: http://sonriseinsights.blogspot.co.il/2013/12/its-routine.html

Hi God. It’s been a while… the daily routing catches up, I get sucked into it, and forget the important things (like writing to you 🙂 ).

Every morning I wake up (and thank you!). After the usual morning chores (“why aren’t you dressed already??? It’s almost 7:30!!!”), I take my son and wife to the train so they can go to rehabilitation. Then I put each kid in their school/day-camp, and take the train to work. While my wife accompanies my son to all of his treatments, I sit in front of a computer and do all kinds of things that are very important for my company, but probably won’t change the world a lot. I have lunch with my co-workers, drink coffee, chat, and basically enjoy life. At the end of the day we all meet back at home, have a nice dinner together, shower the kids and put them to bed, talk a bit about the day, and Wham! It’s 11pm already and we must go to sleep because tomorrow is going to be another long day of routine.

Sounds boring but it is fabulous. Routine, routine, routine.

What an interesting topic. I love routine. It makes my life easier. Not having to think what I am going to do today, how I will cope with the unknowns that will come by surprise. Yes, there are surprises and I do have to think a lot. But nothing like what was going in my head a couple of months ago – asking myself what is the meaning of life? This is a hard question! But I don’t have time for it now. I have a Routine ™, so please don’t bother me with those abstract and complex things.

The problem is that I start to hide in the routine. There are still many things that must be done, doctors that must be visited, appointments that must be set. But I go to work, sit down in front of the computer, and forget everything. And suddenly at 3pm I remember that I had to do very important things, but it’s too late because all of the secretaries/assistants are already gone. So another day goes by.

And another important thing has changed with routine: prayer. It is so much easier to pray when you need it! It comes naturally, with no effort. Just open my mouth and prayer comes out. Now prayer becomes part of the routine, something that I do with everything else. And it loses its meaning, its depth. It feels like a lie. It is very, VERY hard to pray each day with the same energy as I did when in need. I simply can’t.

Funny, even when things are good we find that we can complaint about almost everything in life.

G-d, routine is good. I love it. And I love praying to you each day, even if it’s not as strong as in times of need. Please accept these prayers and don’t ask us for more.

We’ve had enough.

Letters to God – Part 14: Four Months and a Lifetime Ago

An early morning four months ago our life was turned upside down and then shaken very hard. From having a relatively normal life, even if we went once a week to the hospital for chemo treatment, even if we had different exams every other week, even if we were always afraid… We still had some kind of routine.

But on that Saturday morning we had to run to the hospital, and after 6 hours in the operating room, the life of our son was on a thin line. We lived in the hospital day and night, sitting down beside his bed, praying, thinking, crying, praying some more. Asking you why, trying to understand.

And then came the first movement, opening his eyes. The moment he started communicating with us and we knew that there was someone really alive on the other side of those small eyes, behind all the tubes and machines that went beep, beep, BEEP BEEP BEEP, taking more and more of our already drained energies.

Slowly but with incredible strength, more and more tubes we taken out as his body took back control of its functions. One more operation. And then another one. And each time the worries rise again, of what will happen, of all of the things that can happen. The eternal wait outside of the operating room. Seeing him wake up again, alive, breathing, feeling, thinking, understanding.

The first steps were made and he started to regain more of his strength, and his willpower. Every day something new happened: a new movement, some blood test that was outside the “expected” range, some reaction that was “not what we expected”. And we moved on, because there is nothing else to do. When you are down in a hole, up is the the only direction you must look at. We kept on clinging to the rope that you had thrown from above, and pulled every day as hard as we could, feeling all of those who love us as an invisible platform that kept us from falling down again, and gave us strength to go up more and more.

Changes became more gradual each day. Small steps turned into full range walks, hand signs became sounds in his mouth, eye signals became words in conversations. Passive sleeping was replaces with active distraction and never-ending confusion. He was once again reading his favorite comic books, watching his favorite TV shows, building Lego… Everything is more hard than before, sometimes almost impossible. Concentrating takes a lot of energy and it lasts for a short time. Walking also makes him tired very fast. But every day is a new day, and every day is a new improvement.

And now we are back home. Not one of us, not divided. All of us together sleeping at home each day. Starting a new routine of going to rehabilitation each day and going back home at the end of the day. What a great way to celebrate the passing of these four months.

We have lived through so much that it seems like an eternity, and at the same time like it was only yesterday that we were at home, sitting at our dinner table, singing together, that Friday night before everything happened.

God… please make the next couple of months less interesting. We really need the rest.